for sale

Dear publishing industry:

Hi. I actually was a druggie. Like, a real one. And even though I was in my early teens when I started using, I wasn't so retarded as to get arrested for the shit I did. Also, I was sexually abused as a child. Really. I grew up in a weird religious household with two druggies for parents. Plus, I grew up poor in Orange County. Obviously I didn't grow up in the nice parts of the county, but the seedy, working-class parts like Santa Ana. I could expose the gritty underbelly of one of America's whitest, wealthiest areas. In addition, I'm a minority. Now, on top of all that (no pun intended?), I've had lotsa sex with lotsa crazy, awesome women. And, I just turned 25, which is still super young in literary circles, right?

To recap:

Youth? Check.
Sex addiction? Check.
Drug addiction? Check.
Sexual abuse? Check.
Weird religious stuff? Check.
Status as "the Other"? Check.
Depression? Check.
Trust fund and connections? Tragically, no.
Overall sexiness? No doubt.

So, feel free to contact me for a publishing deal at slowdeepandhard at gmail dot com. (Appropriately ironic e-mail address? Totally check.) I'm sure I could churn out a few novels of sweet, drug-induced salaciousness (all of which would actually be TR00) that will surely restore a little bit of that precious street cred to the lit. industry.

Bidding starts now, bitches.